Oh, right...

So remember that bit about China maybe possibly sort of kind of beginning to feel the economic crisis thing? Yeah, that's definitely happening. Yours truly has been busy not posting blog entries over the past few weeks because I've been pulling a James Woods and trying to experience what it means firsthand to be affected by an economic crisis. Notes:

1) Having no money in your wallet or everyday-use bank account is bad.

2) Bok choy soup and rice is a surprisingly tasty meal, now that I've had enough practice making it this month.

3) Taking the bus is less of an adventure when you have to do it. On the other hand, it's now "effortlessly" green to do so.

4) Seriously, having no cash on hand is awful.

Just before embarking on this research, I was blessed enough to have a visitor here in Shanghai. This made for a really good opportunity to be a tourist. Too often, I think, we don't take the time to actually check out the stuff around us. Just thinking about the list of places I haven't been in New York is a headache, let alone the places I haven't been here in Shanghai. So, even though this last week might have been partial inspiration for my "research," it was probably worth it. Skyscrapers, gardens, temples, pedestrian streets, and a super cool "museum" definitely helped me close 2008 on a high note.

2009, however, has already been interesting. Work is picking up. Imminently, I'll be taking on a whole new batch of responsibilities as the company plans to do some "spring festival cleaning". (Chinese New Year is called the Spring Festival here. So, it's actually a pretty good joke.) Plus, we have our big new service launching, TalkOnline. I've also made my way onto Chinese TV already, and as soon as I get a copy of the video, you can be sure you'll find it here.

Also, according to China Daily, the government sponsored English language newspaper, "China is about to enter a peak time for mass incidents..." That means riots and protests. So, that's exciting, right?

Anyway, 2009 is here and I'm planning to make it a good one. Now, who's going to join me?

"Why're you goin' to the airport? Flyin' somewhere?"

And here I am with less than 12 hours until I'm in the air, beginning my journey to Shanghai. I've been sitting here for a bit, trying to think of what I had to say, but nothing's coming. You might think that after all the time I've spent thinking about this finally getting here, I'd have something to say, some deep observation or emotional polemic. And yet, I have been too overwhelmed.

For the last week, despite beginning to pack and saying my good-byes, I haven't really felt like I was actually leaving. After all the time I've waited, it just seemed so likely that this break would never end. That all changed around 10 PM tonight.

I'm very open about my television habits. I regularly watch several shows- some very good, others that really aren't. Few shows hold my dutiful attention and command my presence in front of the TV. For whatever reason, "The OC" was one of those shows. Every week, I sat down to watch "The OC", and every week, I talked about it with my friends afterwards. Tonight, I think the show's finale is what lead me to the realization that I really was leaving. I've always been a sucker for sentimentality and nostalgia, and "The OC" capitalized on that. When it was over, it had hard to believe that I had really spent one hour a week, twenty-four weeks a year, for 4 years, and then that was it. I can only speculate that it was that thought that got the ball rolling. I began thinking about so many of the others parts of my life that I've devoted time to- friends, hobbies, even places. Will they all one day just end, too? What happens when it's over?

I think the show did right by its fans by not ending in the present- not only did tonight's episode begin six months after the previous episode, but it ended (presumably) four years in the future. Sandy becomes a professor, Ryan becomes an architect, Seth and Summer get married. Even Julie Cooper goes back to school and finally has a happy ending. I suspect this touched a nerve, as well. After all, as I prepare for the next big step of my life, I'm finding myself wondering what will happen to me and my friends in four years? Will we still be together, going to each other's weddings? Will we be happy?

I now remember that, towards the end of the episode, there was a commercial for a new movie starring one of the actors from "The OC". It seems fitting. After something ends, we pick up and move on. That's it. As I was thinking about all of this, The Grapes of Wrath came to mind as an appropriate source for a good, deep quote. Or at least better than "Dumb & Dumber". (See above)

"'Ain't you thinkin' what's it gonna be like when we get there? Ain't you scared it won't be nice like we thought?'

'No,' she said quickly. 'No, I ain't. You can't do that. I can't do that. It's too much- livin' too many lives. Up ahead they's a thousan' lives we might live, but when it comes, it'll only be one. If I go ahead on all of 'em, it's too much. You got to live ahead 'cause you're so young, but- it's jus' the road goin' by for me. An' it's jus' how soon they gonna wanna eat some more pork bones.'" - Chapter 13, The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck, pp. 168-9

This is Going to be Different

All my friends have gone, now. My parents, of course, work during the day. I have been left completely to my own devices. Really, my life isn't so different than it would be if I were back at school instead of here at home preparing for my semester in China. I spend my days reading, exercising, playing music, and practicing Chinese; at night I read more and watch television. I guess it is different, though- those are essentially my only options here.

As I was eating lunch today- steamed grouper with apple slices and chopped almonds- I sat down to watch the news. Every broadcast was about a story I found trivial so I looked for something else. Peter O'Toole was on Charlie Rose, where he bluntly described his new film as a romance between a "dirty old man" and a "slutty young woman". I changed the channel. Mr. T was giving a woman life advice. "Henry David Thoreau said..." Everything seems a little different now.

On February 23 of this year, I am leaving to spend three and one half months in China. I've been there twice before, but this is the longest I will have stayed there. The first two times I traveled to China, it was with groups of friends; this time I am alone. There is considerably more trepidation about Shanghai than there has been about any other experience in my life.

This trip will make or break me. It isn't the disconnect from the rest of my world that alarms me. It is the pressure I've placed on this trip. The first time I was in China, it was as a tourist in high school, and only for two weeks. I thought it was the culmination of the six years I had spent learning Chinese. But then I kept with it, and the next year I was already back in China- this time for six weeks in Beijing studying. I knew that there was much to gain from that trip, but also that there was still more to gain when I returned. It has been nearly two years since I've last been to China. This is my ninth year studying Mandarin. I feel that, for now, I have reached a plateau of what I can do in America about my Chinese. Except for Shanghai, I'm no longer sure of how much more I can grow. This time, the feeling of culmination- that I'm reaching the end of my Chinese growth- is much stronger. This time the pressure is on to really get it right.